Its been a month...

since i last chatted to ... myself, realy? I was so busy that i realy did not even get a change to hang around here ever so often. I often wonder what is the purpose of thus running around.

Opene a new show with a friend of mine, Willie Wakkermaak. Was a bit of a desaster, but what can you expect from amateurs. He'll get nto the swig of things.

In the meantime I read an article about God.... and let your mind go n this one: God does not exist, he acts...

He is in word and action, not in being. If I do not live my arm, I am dead - and so is God.

have a great one

I often wonder

how much longer we have to tolerate bad karma.... and yes, itis advidable to just ignore the animals we do not like, bu what if me as a puppet needs to hang next to someone that is out to make my life hell.

when is it ego, and when is it a need of love?

...and the journey took me

to a placed where i never thought i would end up. with myself. i think one can only be hapy when you look at yourself in the refelction of the water and say: i am okay!

I am exhausted...

the sun was shining really badly today.... nobody could concentrate and it took so much more energy to get somethng done... but energy is something I've been struggling with my whole life.... it seems (looking from here) that I have been leading a rolercoaster ride.... and then the question came up? what motivates me? is it the good things i have done or happened to me, or the hope that something good will happen??

i had a wonderful day

.... and in my search for happiness i realised one thing. We all look for it, some of us follow the rules and other just live.... without counting the cost. What is the meaning of life? If only I can be happy? Then....

Happiness lies within the piece you find within yourself... and your maker. Happiness is not something to seek for, but time with yourself, with God

had a thought today....

I wonder up to what extend one should play the politics and in the end loose oneself... that is the identity of being me. Do I now suddely have to hang on branches that hurts my hands, and make me cry, or can I rather stay swinging on a willow tree - where the river flows. I gues life is a game, played in different styles and different ways. I do believe that somewhere there is a thin line between the politics you play to survive and survival itself. I think I am going to eat two bananas this week... and spoil myself a bit!

relationships...

is everything that makes the world move or stabd still

Is is Satre that said: I can be your hell or your heaven...

so...the decision is to...

sometimes not make any decisions. The easy thing in life is to get up, swing frm branc to branch and eat bananas or lice, which ever comes first. And when you are tired of doing that, you hang!

I often wonder about the systems humans create... to survive in. In many ways it is a jungle out there to. Up to when and what do you swing the way your collegues swing... so far that you loose yourself... just to find out in the end that it was just a fluke, another system... that will not support you in the end.

And when you leave you can be replaced. Why? because you only swung the way it is to be expected? Maybe one should start thinking of legacy? What is a legacy? Having several babies?

How can I make a difference so that I can feel different?

depression is...

a really bad thing. One can decide to dwell in it or dwell in life. The biggest problem is that you sleep or salk the time away that when you wake up, there is so much time watsed.

Somehing else I wonder about is relationships. Is it connected to a lot of strings that can be broken in a minute? What is the depth of any relationship? Is there any depth, or is it just another attempt, empty however, to make sense of the world around you?