The outside noises

Saw a guy and his wife and kids walking in the SPAR today... but the guy was so desperatly listening to one or other tune on his phone, so much so it was a bit unnatural! I wondered if we (being me) also try to block or ignore the noises the world make? Is it not better to stop and listen... maybe the noises would become music if you listen long enough?

A Quest for a fuller life?

A puppet from the past posted last night on facebook a few strange questions, we continued the conversation on the phone today.

I dont know him, all that I know is that he had a strange but enlightned effect on me since the time I saw him 14 years ago... You know when you get a feeling that this puppet will be part of the cycle of life, always?

Enough said. He does not know me also... but he struck a nerve... or is it a string? Do I live my life to the fullest, or according to a belief or beliefs being casted over my life in the past, present... (and by choice) in the future? This makes me uneasy.

I dont know how and what to think about it. I re-discovered some goals and dreams I wrote down after a past teacher re entered my life... and he also constantly challenged me to be more ME! He gave up after a few attempts.

Another friend, now living in the afterlife also had this unsettling effect on me.

Strange - and more concerning in my soul now is - I dont have the answer.

How does one live your life fully? Is this a monster that I can manipulate?

Moment relapse of reason

In Afrikaans I always thought "die sagte sprong" written by Sheila Cussons (I think) meant just this.... that tiny little moment where no reason is present... or that tiny moment between life and death... or that tiny moment that you experienced something scary, out of the ordinary, or what ever description you can give it, label it with.

I had that, not to long ago. Last weekend. A minute where... I think my heart stopped beating, I experienced the world in a slow "tiek-tok-tiek-tok" way. I looked down at my feet and I could not figure out if I was sitting or lying down. I could see me feet- but that was it. I felt it, but could not explain it. Still cant explain it.

And then it was gone.

In the last two years I buried three of my best friends. The first one got murdered, the second one had a stroke and the third one took his own life.

What were their thoughts? Did they had a relapse of reason, and did not recover from that... like I did? Is life not a whole bunch of relapses... that - put together make a "lapse" (at a lack of a better word) of reason... that keep us going?

I am looking for reason in everything I see - and I can fnd it! But sometimes I choose not too.

Enough for today, let me join my friends for a drink and a party in the puppet box!

Till Next Time

Taking a fall

So donkey asked butterfly the other day what does he do when he yearns to go back in to the cacoon where it is dark and wet, and the sun.... or any other light shines?

Butterfly had to think about it, and also lie a bit - but donkey will never know that! The only side donkey sees is the bright and light side of butterfly. Butterfly replied: "I sometimes revisit that dark and wet place under the tree... and for a short while feel guilty for going back to old pleasures. But then I get up after a while, shake my wings and remind myself that I can alos make mistakes... but it is not the end of the world. The important thing to remeber is to get up out f your cocoon again. The great thing of getting out of that coccoon after that is: that I fly higher, collect more pollen and shine more brighter in the sun."

We all go back to stuff we do not want to do, or a state we once were comfortable in! Its only for a short while!

Get up, and fly higher!

a bit of illness goes a long way...

Ive been ill for the last 3 weeks.... still no better light, nor hope that it will turn. In all this I realised how dependand one is of all the other puppets around you. All of a sudden you need someone to drive the car, hold your hand, bring you pills, cry with you etc...
And then I realised that I can also be reliable, love, hold a hand - and decided there and then.... I am going to do that more!
a Little illness can take your mind a loooooong way!

In the Universal Scheme of things

I wonder if the circle of life is a circle that we can only come out when we die. It feels like the bananas I eat, and the lessons I learn have a kind of a repetition-circle pattern.

I'm not complaining, because a banana stays a banana... but I've heard of alot of friends around me that died because of stress.... even my own uncle... without anouncement!

I dont want to die of stress, I want to die knowing that I tasted every banana, drank the purest water, slept in the softest branches... and lived!

Its time

When I was younger....

When I was younger I walked faster, slept more, drank more and ate more. When I was younger I dreamed with stars in my eyes.... and I was certain that I was going to change the world.... I was the missing link. I was the answer... not only to my own problems, but I could face every challenge... sometimes blind, sometimes ignorant - but I faced them, nonetheless. I fell in love with everyone I see, and survived and that love for hours, days, months. I knew what I wanted, where I am going to, how much I can take and tolerate. When I was younger I smelled the change of the season, felt the cold and concurred the heat. When I was younger my favorite colour was purple and my mood always red! When I was younger I knew it all.

Now I'm older. I wonder who changed the rules? Okay... I walk a bit slower and think a bit more about the next step... My favorite colour is still purple, but a softer violet, sometimes I have to listen twice to hear, or the cold is too cold and the heat too hot... and yes I see the worlds problems... BUT - I still dream big and walk on the clouds... I still love with a passion and hurt even more, I still survive on your smile for days... and YES! I AM STILL GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!

!!